In an effort to foster a more hyper-competitive environment, Westminster has created an online forum for discussing test answers.
“We all knew students were doing it anyway,” said Dean of Girls Tiffany Boozer. “So why not give them an easier, more accessible medium to use?”
Shockingly, the school Wi-Fi system has crashed 37 times since the forum was created. On average, each Upper School student has posted 600.57 times and spent 15 hours per week on the forum.
“This forum is bae,” said sophomore Jiminy Cricket. “Now I basically know what I got on the test before I even get it back. The forum has been wrong about half the time, but that’s beside the point.”
Based on a completely accurate and non-biased school-wide survey, about 48 percent of students post questions about test answers, 40 percent rebut every single post with even more absurd answers, 25 percent try to predict essay grades by posting entire essays, and 12 percent post selfies to the forum captioned “I totally bombed that test,” “My cat is really cuddly,” and everything in between.
“That’s over 100 percent,” said forum administrator Tony Souza, “but that just shows how much of overachievers we are.
As expected, there has been no concern about the Honor Code.
“I feel that as such a prestigious institution,” said Boozer, “we need not worry about things like honor. It is absurd to think that a student would go online and view a discussion about a test that they have not taken yet. There have been 17 honor cases already and 12 further accusations, but I don’t think that is really relevant to this discussion.”
It has been confirmed that teachers, too, contribute to the forum.
“I take periodic breaks from my seal clubbing endeavors to check on the forum,” said AP Biology teacher Jason Vuckovic. “I really love seeing students struggle. It’s great entertainment to congregate in the teacher lounge and laugh over some of the disagreements that happen. I can’t give direct answers, because that would be against the Honor Code, but sometimes I drop in a comment about how everyone is wrong. I truly enjoy being scary like that. Boo!”
The forum will refresh at the end of the school year for its continuation in the 2015 to 2016 school year, and new technology experts will be hired to fix the perpetual Wi-Fi problem. The adjustments are expected to take about as long as the new library construction.