Junior cheats on Honor Council Application [Satire]

Unbeknownst to many, junior John O’Donovan completely fabricated his entire Honor Council application.

“I didn’t really want to apply in the first place, but Dr. Boggs said I’d have a better chance of getting into Harvard if I had some leadership on my resume,” said O’Donovan. “I was watching ‘Property Brothers’ until 2 AM the day it was due, and suddenly realized I had forgotten to write my essay and talk to three Honor Council members as the application directed. Anyway, desperate times call for desperate measures. Is that a Miley Cyrus lyric?”

A Bi-Line special investigation on O’Donovan’s search history revealed that the junior had lifted his response to the prompt “describe any situation at any time when you have had to make a hard choice related to honor and how you handled that situation” from FanFiction.net.

“I don’t want to make any promises, but Dr. Combest and I were very impressed with John’s application,” said Honor Council advisor Kay Solomon. “His essay on how his strong sense of honor led him to refuse to shoplift from Kohl’s with Taylor Swift was so poignant that it almost made me cry.”

Rather than talking to three Honor Council members in person, O’Donovan wrote their names down on the application and later bribed them with an Edible Arrangements fruit bouquet.

“I felt like it would be hypocritical to turn John in for lying on his application,” said senior member Bernie Madoff, “seeing as every time I’m called in for a trial I fake appendicitis and then go to Yogurtland.”

Ultimately, O’Donovan feels that his chances for the exclusive leadership position are high.

“I’d say I know more about honor than most of the other candidates, said O’Donovan, “because I’ve been on the Honor Roll every year. Checkmate.”