Justice demands new job title: The JanTerminator [Satire]


      Fresh off a victorious JanTerm, soon-to-be interim principal Jim Justice visited the home of head of school Keith Evans at four a.m. on a recent Saturday morning.

        “I woke up and I could see this silhouette in the doorway of my room,” Evans said with a shiver. “Of course I knew right away that it was Jim because he often comes by at odd hours to plan the annual celebration for Tree Cat Day.”

        However, Justice then did something unprecedented and frankly chilling.

        “He spoke but four words,” Evans recounted. “‘I am the JanTerminator.’ And then he disappeared.”

        Since that encounter, Justice has been sighted sporadically around campus, usually engaged in some form of mischief.

        “Not only has he taken all of the balls that were used for community time, but he has not returned a single one of them,” griped dean of boys Tony Souza.

        Students report similar incidents in which the self-proclaimed JanTerminator was spotted driving a hijacked food truck onto campus or running across Broyles, tossing copies of the innovative JanTerm daily schedule into the air. Yet none were able to account for Justice’s strange behavior until Evans proposed a plausible explanation.

        “He doesn’t want JanTerm to be over,” Evans theorized. “And who can blame him? But sometimes, if you love something, you have to let it go.”

        Still, it seems as though Justice won’t be letting go anytime soon.

        “I’ve heard rumors that he’ll soon be attacking campus at the head of a fleet of JanTerm buses,” a nameless junior confided. “If this isn’t war, I don’t know what is.”