Student discovers Narnia inside lost and found [Satire]

On Mar. 16, senior James Smith found the entrance to the mythical kingdom popularly known as Narnia beneath 23 L.L. Bean jackets and several hundred copies of Beloved in the Campbell lost-and-found.

“I was just looking for my croakies,” a shaken Smith explained. “And then suddenly I fell through this huge hole in the floor.”

It seems that Smith was not the first member of the Westminster community to unearth the passageway to Narnia.

“I saw a lot of weird stuff down there,” he said. “Geoffrey Sudderth’s broom, a bunch of unread copies of Embryo, and a JanTerm bus that I think someone was living in. That song from the Public Purpose Fair was playing, too.”

As Smith got his bearings in the mythical land, a lone figure approached him, riding on the back of a supernatural lion.

“I thought I must have been dreaming, but no, it really was Bo Adams,” Smith revealed. “He was riding on Aslan’s back and yeah, he still had the beard.”

Although Adams invited Smith to live in Narnia with himself, Aslan, and a companion he referred to simply as “the bee man from the assembly,” Smith decided to return to campus.

“It was actually pretty cool; I just couldn’t handle listening to that song every day,” he explained.

In the wake of Smith’s revelations, Westminster has launched an investigation into the origins of the Campbell entrance to Narnia.

“I didn’t know we had a lost-and-found,” said Ross Peters, speaking for the collective faculty.

However, several math teachers have come forward with revelations.

“Oh yeah, that room,” said Ellen Vesey. “I used to hear these faint cries for help every so often when I walked past the door, but that’s not unusual for the math department, so I didn’t really think anything of it.”

“I am the keeper of the keys,” said Neema Salimi.