StudGov actually leads school art initiative, hopes to promote inclusivity and creativity [Satire]

In an effort to promote more community togetherness and just plain overall bonding as a school, this year’s Student Government officials have steadily been instituting groundbreaking new changes. They’ve prepared countless opportunities to be taken advantage of during JanTerm community time. They’ve organized tons of exciting, on-the-edge-of-your-seat pep rallies. And soon, they’ll be rolling out their best new initiative yet.

“I know that in the past there have been uh, quite a few complaints about how we’re not doing anything to change the school for the better and push it in a new direction,” a StudGov official said. “We hear your voices, we really do, and you know we’re always committed to striving for excellence. That’s why this year we’ve set a plan in motion for students to get to know each other better and bond as a true Wildcat family.”

The details of this new plan are entirely unprecedented for the school.

“It’s absolutely amazing and completely original!” another StudGov member said excitedly, peering up from a lax poster she was decorating. “Instead of only working on making posters by ourselves, we’re going to have everyone participate and see which homeroom can make the best poster! I just know it’ll promote a sense of class unity and togetherness unlike any other event we’ve ever done before.”

All faculty members support the initiative wholeheartedly as well.

“I just love the idea,” a StudGov teacher advisor gushed. “Westminster is all about inclusivity, so instead of making posters for only the lacrosse players, we’re making them for all the sports teams! Varsity, JV, Boys, Girls, you name it! For everyone who plays a sport, since they all contribute to the community in their own unique way. No child will be left behind.”

The initiative will focus on providing art supplies such as green paint made from crushed emeralds and unicorn-hair paint brushes for each student. Private one-on-one drawing classes will also be arranged.

“The inability of high school girls to draw wildcat paw prints as anything other than four circles surrounding one slightly larger circle is highly problematic,” said an unnamed art teacher, tearing at his hair infuriatingly. “Everyone knows that real paw prints are more in the shape of four Cadbury Mini Eggs surrounding a symmetrical chicken nugget instead. There’s an art to paw print drawing, and it’s an absolutely necessary skill to learn for the future.”

Students will be excited to hear that the costs of this new program will not be factored into next year’s tuition. Students will also not need to fundraise in order to obtain the needed money for supplies, even though the faculty is certain that they would have been able to far surpass the needed goal anyway. All funding for this new initiative will be redirected from the budgets of the various visual and performing arts departments.

“Nobody goes to listen to band or orchestra concerts anyways,” another StudGov member said earnestly. “Since they’re not contributing to the life and vitality of campus, why don’t we actually put their money toward something that actually will?”