Dave Drake brings cycling skills abroad, wins Tour de France


This past July, while students were visiting sunny beaches and prestigious colleges, AP European History teacher Dave Drake was busy winning the Tour de France.

The Tour de France is the most prestigious cycling tournament, set over the course of 21 summer days in France and the surrounding European countries. The race is over 2,000 miles long, travelling anywhere and everywhere from Amsterdam to the Champs-Élysées.

Drake is infamous for his daily dedication to the stationary bike machine in Turner Gym, and finally decided to take his talents out onto the open road.

“I’ve been stuck in Turner for years,” complained Drake. “There’s nothing to look at except try-hard football players and the occasional cross country runner trying to bench press half their weight. I needed a change of pace.”

The rigorous training and intense workouts that came along with the Tour de France were exactly what Drake needed to liven up his cycling career. The only thing standing in his way was the lack of an extraordinary coaching staff, a problem Drake quickly resolved.

“When he approached me about training for the Tour I was honored,” said weight room coach Eric Lougas. “I’ve admired Drake’s work ethic from afar for so many years. Working with him was like working with Ali or LeBron. He’s just that good.”

Drake finished the race with ease, beating the next best biker by three hours and setting a record for fastest time. Drake is set to enter the cycling Hall of Fame before the end of the year.

The champion explained that his mindset going into the race played a major part in his overwhelming victory.

“It got harder once we left flat ground and started biking up mountains,” admitted Drake. “But I kept telling myself, ‘If Napoleon can cross the Alps, so can you.’”

After breaking through the snowy mountains, Drake felt a surge of speed and blasted ahead of all of the other competitors.

“The thing that makes him so special is his unique combination of speed and endurance,” said Lougas. “I’ve never seen anything like it before, and I doubt I’ll see anything like it again. That kind of pure, raw talent is hard to come by.”

Drake’s outstanding conquest and skillspaved the way to a win for the United States BMC team. When asked about his fellow team members, Drake shook his head despondently.

“They’re just a bunch of youngsters,” explained Drake. “They still have a lot to learn.”

Unfortunately, Drake announced to his adoring fans that this would be his first and last Tour de France appearance in a press conference held last Friday in the foyer of Broyles. For now, Drake can be seen wandering the halls of Turner Gym with his trusty Kentucky basketball cap in hand, searching for his next great adventure.