Lone freshman discovers second and third floors of library, shocks grade


For the first time ever in recorded Westminster history, freckled freshman Will Foshee recently discovered that the Carlyle Fraser Library consists of more than just the freshman-occupied first floor. On these previously unbeknown-to-freshmen higher floors, older students actually do academic work rather than play games all day.

“One day, when I was playing Minecraft with my friends in the library, I noticed for the first time a strange door to the side of the room,” described Foshee. “Curious, I went through the door and it lead to a stairwell to floors where students were quietly doing homework. The silence was mysteriously tranquil. It was like I had discovered the eighth wonder of the world. I immediately told my friends about what I saw.”

When other freshmen saw the upper floors with their own eyes, they wondered about how such a place could have gone undiscovered by them the entire year.

“I didn’t even know people actually studied here at Westminster,” said freshman John Watkins. “No wonder some people get decent grades.”

For some freshmen, the discovery cleared up mysteries that they’ve come across all year.

“Mr. Monahan told me that I had to find book sources from the library for my history final paper,” said freshman Hampton Maxim. “I was looking in the library for ages, but there were literally no books in the library! I thought Mr. Monahan was pranking me, until I got the paper back and got an F.”

Other freshmen observed sights that they had reasoned to be supernatural occurrences.

“I swear, some upperclassmen would come into the library and poof, they’d just disappear into thin air,” claimed freshman Daniel DeSouza. “It’s like they just all went through some secret passageway we didn’t know about. All the while, I never figured that we had more floors to the library.”

The freshman class’s obliviousness to the second and third floor of the library and lack of studying may have partially caused the grade’s dismal 74 GPA.

“All year long, I’ve thought that with all this time this grade has been spending in the library, this must be one of the brightest and hardest working classes I’ve ever seen,” proclaimed freshman boys grade chair Brooks Batcheller in a grade-wide meeting. “But it turns out that all y’all have been doing is wasting your lives away in the library playing these childish games.”

With Foshee’s discovery, some freshmen are now motivated to actually do work in the upper floors of the library.

“My teachers have been telling me that unless I get better grades, I won’t be getting into Harvard,” said freshman Anna Thompson. “If I didn’t get in, I would be a shame to my family.”

Regardless, the class remains dedicated to protecting their territory and maintaining the tradition.

“We, the freshmen, claimed the first floor of the library as ours, and we can’t let go of our identity as easily as that,” said freshman Nance Hill. “In fact, I’d argue that our class is the most innovative and united grade of the school because of the establishment of our stronghold.”

“We will sue if the other grades or teachers try to take away our rights to the bottom floor,” said freshman Raymond Zhao, “’cuz it’s really technically our property since we claimed it first. Finders keepers, losers weepers!”