Westminster to renovate student’s homes to better resemble the dynamic “Learning Cottages”

As Wildcats continue to navigate the muddy waters of distance learning, the Westminster administration continues to look for possible ways to improve or enhance their student’s experience. Students have expressed their opinions on many problems regarding virtual learning, with a heavy homework load and the length of classes being on the forefront. However, most students find that their biggest problem is their inability to focus while staring at a computer screen all day and night.

“I don’t think I have absorbed any knowledge since all of this has started,” said standout student Andrew Abernathy. “With everyone changing their backgrounds to über funny memes it’s just really tough to concentrate on the lesson plan. Plus, we also have to circle back around to our screens after the school day to do our homework, and after all that screen time, my head just needs a break.”

Student’s first voiced their discontent to their hard working class officers, but saw no immediate change in class length or start/end times. Students then decided to take their concerns to a higher level of authority: the Trask administration. After lots of time and contemplation, the Westminster administration has officially decided how they will address the everyday problems of lack of focus and motivation plaguing the student body: to renovate a portion of each and every student’s home to better resemble the ultra-dynamic learning cottages.

“After looking over our options and budget, we decided that the best course of action was to bring the Westminster way home to the Cats!” said an enthusiastic, anonymous administrator. “Furthermore, to better simulate an ordinary day in the good-ole Village, we recommend students eat their lunches on paper plates as well as carry out their own rock explosions everyday at 2 p.m.”

The plan is to send construction crews, each equipped with a Learning Cottage, to the students’ homes. The crew plans to then tear up either the student’s front yard or backyard to clear an area for Learning Cottage. Lastly, the crew would put the cottage in place, finishing it off with the iconic plastic Westminster flag on the top.

Westminster may also fund a project to transform a portion of the student’s homes into Welcome Centers, in order to help students combat homesick feelings toward Westminster’s campus.

“We plan to install the new cottages sometime in the next week, but, of course that could be delayed,” said junior class officer and former decorated Bi-line reporter Connor Li.

Although the administration is obviously enthusiastic about these coming changes, the student body support has been quite lackluster. In fact, after news broke regarding Westminster’s plans to renovate students’ homes, passionate, defiant students formed somewhat of a “Fraternité,” inspired by that of the French Revolution.

“We want change, and we want change now,” said junior Dempsey Block and president of the newly found “Fraternité.” “We demand a schedule change that resembles that of Lovett or Holy Innocents. There’s no reason that we should be in the virtual classroom double the amount of time they are in a given week. If these demands aren’t met swiftly, then we will begin to stage rebellions of sorts.”

When asked about what President Block classifies as “rebellions,” he listed virtual walkouts, chat spamming, background misusage, and excessive sound feedback as possibilities.

While some students stand in defiance to the Westminster administration’s plans, others are in support of the renovations.

“I personally think that bringing the environment of a Learning Cottage home will help to enhance my at-home schooling experience while also enabling me to work harder and more diligently than I ever have before!” said ecstatic junior Aydin Bandukwala.

The controversial home renovations will surely be a long, grueling process. However, there is no telling how successful or unsuccessful it will end up being. All we as students can do is continue to monitor our health, keep our distance from others, and trust the process that the Westminster administration has committed itself to. 

“It’s going to be a tough process, but we think, when it’s all done, students will focus and score better than ever!” said Li.