The Westminster Upper School robotics team recently received some crushing news: due to a lack of student interest, their previously unknown budget has been reduced to a whopping zero dollars. With a new hole in their yearly allotted activity budget, Westminster plans to add a new varsity activity: Formula One racing. The new team, known as Flik Chicken & Rice Racing, will hire cross country coach Jason Vuckovic as head coach and math teacher Mike Rondeau as a driver. 

The removal of the robotics team has resulted in an uproar from the members of Team 2415, the WiredCats, with many planning to sabotage the new race car.

“We have tons of engineering experience,” said one disgruntled student. “Don’t think that we can’t remove the tires from the car – even when it’s driving.”

With many threats being sent from the members of the robotics team, the Upper School administration has decided to take action. Most recently, the administration has decided to close Robo-den, the meeting place of the former robotics team near Clarkson Hall, by filling it in with extra cement from the many renovations on campus. With no place to meet, the school board hopes that Team 2415 will calm down and realize the benefit of being replaced.

“Think about it,” said one of the mechanics of Flik Chicken & Rice Racing. “Imagine how much more time the kids will have when they can’t do robotics anymore. They’re going to be able to do so much more, like watch us beat Lovett’s new F1 team at the Kosh Classic.” 

The Kosh Classic, which will take place on Westminster’s very own Kosh Trail, will be the signature race of the Buckhead Formula One League, and it will also become the kickoff race of each season. 

With Kosh becoming the new circuit for Westminster’s F1 team, many changes are being forced around campus. For starters, the cross country team will now be solely limited to the confines of Turner’s indoor track, as the trail will be paved over with concrete.  

“There really is no point in cross country anymore,” said Vuckovic. “Racing is the future. And trust me, I’ve been a runner all my life, so I think I know what I’m talking about. Ka-chow!”

Surprisingly, the cross country team has been supportive of this new endeavor by the school, and they don’t feel any animosity toward the F1 team for taking Kosh away.

“We’ll always support a fellow racer, even if they’re not running. That’s what Victory and Sisterhood are all about!” said one cross country runner.

With the news about F1’s arrival spreading around campus, students from all over are trying to find a way to be a part of this brand new team. Upper School art students are holding a contest to design the new livery for the car, and the orchestra has decided to create a Westminster anthem to play whenever the team wins a race. Gambling has also found its way onto campus, with students holding bets to see which other schools will follow Westminster’s footsteps and defund their robotics team in exchange for F1. Currently, only Lovett and Pace have committed to doing so, but North Atlanta is expected to follow in the coming weeks. 

Rumors are also surfacing that the first Kosh Classic in August will feature a guest appearance from the current world champion, Max Verstappen, while others believe that Pixar’s very own Francesco Bernoulli might show up.

Regardless of how the Kosh Classic goes, all students have agreed that they are excited to see Westminster taking this step in a new direction, but they do feel bad for those on the robotics team. 

“I think there is a very simple solution to this,” said junior Augie Bunting, who is a member of the robotics team. “If we get a permanent bouncy house for the school, then I guarantee none of us will be mad anymore.”