The Westminster crew team made a major discovery last week after an unfortunate boating accident. The incident was caused by a serious miscommunication which led to a boat flipping. While seven of the girls quickly resurfaced, one remained submerged for much longer. It was during this time that Senior Madu Lent Cohen made a groundbreaking discovery.

“I honestly wasn’t expecting to encounter anything,” said Cohen. “I was so shocked by the boat flipping that I almost didn’t think twice when my foot rammed straight into a rusty, metal object.”

Despite the otherwise stressful situation, Cohen kept her cool and began to explore.

“I felt the cool sensation of metal instead of the dirty river floor and knew there was something to investigate,” said Cohen. “I dove deeper and grabbed onto a bar sticking out of the object, pulling hard. All of a sudden, the whole thing came dislodged, and I lifted it out of the water.” 

What she originally thought was a small metal bar turned out to be a 21,000 lb submarine. In fact, this feat of strength was so legendary that weightlifting coach Eric Lougas hung a picture of Cohen in the weight room to commemorate her achievement. 

When the team noticed Cohen’s discovery, they quickly gathered around and helped to lift the strange item out of the river. Once it reached the shore and came into full view, everyone was blown away. Somehow, the allegedly-imploded Ocean Gate titanic viewing submersible had been found without a scratch in sight. 

“I remember feeling nothing but pure confusion,” said coach Kasey Lakdar. “I mean, we’d all watched as the submarine went viral after it went missing, and then we all believed it had blown up. I seriously had no idea how it ended up in Roswell.” 

Despite a lot of disbelief, executives at Ocean Gate have confirmed that this submersible is in fact the missing submarine. Unfortunately, the Ocean Gate Xbox controller, located inside, is the only device in the world that can unlock the tightly-reinforced opening to submersible. Furthermore, with no apparent sign of life inside the submersible, many believe it can never be opened. However, senior Soapy Gatz thinks she has the solution.

“I’ve been in contact with some people at MIT, and we think we can make a copy of the remote,” said Gatz. “MIT has this incredible lab, and they said if I just bring one of my brother’s old Xbox controllers in, they can program it to open and even steer the submersible.” 

This discovery would be huge for the rowing team, as they plan to use the submersible as a secret weapon for the next regatta. The plan is to keep the device hidden near the finish line, with one designated person holding the controller on the shore until a competitor’s boat gets close to finishing the race. At this point, the submarine will suddenly come out of the water and puncture the competition’s boat, filling it with water and sinking it just meters away from the finish. The plan seems nearly foolproof, and the team looks forward to testing it out at their upcoming regatta in Virginia.

The entire team is excited to start practicing their new strategy during the next week, assuming Gatz’s visit to MIT this weekend goes as planned. Of course, opening up the submarine will also answer some other questions, such as how the submersible ended up in Atlanta. Regardless of the answer, the submersible will surely serve as a great advantage for the Cats as they look to dominate in the upcoming regatta.